Posted by: rachelok | April 13, 2012

Life at 30.

Has it really been three months since we spoke? Time flies when you are crazy busy, very stressed, and find yourself down more than up, I suppose.

I do not find myself with days off. I have school and/or clinicals and/or work every day of every week. Without fail. The next days off I know of are at the end of June when I’m traveling to Florida with my family for our first ever family vacation extravaganza. I cannot wait…but I must.

Nursing school is terribly interesting right now, but I still find myself questioning me at every damn turn. If I could drop these nerves like a bad habit I’d be golden. Unfortunately, I find it difficult to drop bad habits, as well.

30 is good, but not at all what I expected it to look like. I had pictured it sidling up to love every night to drift off, after tucking in a baby or two, and working at something I am fulfilled doing. I guess no one pictures their future as lonely and unsure, though. What a dire state we’d all be in then…While I am lucky enough to have love in my every day life, I haven’t yet found that sustaining love that drops us both to our knees and makes us want to empty our pockets in front of each other. Every last bit of crappy lint.

But I’m alive. Filled out my application to take the state boards this week, that was weird and nervewracking. Sure do need to study more. And committed to one job, will put in my 2 weeks at the other on Monday. Things are moving. I feel like a burden and odd, but things are moving.

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