Posted by: rachelok | December 25, 2011

Year in review.

A whole load of crazy and life-learning and far out stuff has happened this year.

I’ve gone back to school. I’ve done well at it. I am going to be a nurse. A good one, at that.

I’ve left a really good relationship. No matter what he ever says about me, or how bitter he is, he is a good man, and I will always love him. We had a great big love and big promises and a whooooole lotta heart in it. That being said, it didn’t mean it was right for me. I don’t mean to hurt people and nothing about it was easy, but that man that I will always love, will always be better off because I said goodbye. I can take his mean spews, because I know that his life will be better without me in it. Though my actions might seem selfish at the time to that person, I rarely, if ever, come first. His life will be grand and beautiful. I promise you this.

For the first time in a very, very long time, I have wholly thrown myself into something that terrifies me. I was thisclose to failing out of nursing school. 16 people got booted from the program this semester. This ain’t no joke, ya’ll. But know what?? I did it. I am finally starting to believe in me a little bit again. It’s an oddly nice feeling.

Over the last 6 mos I have gotten reacquainted with a long lost friend. Someone I was once very close to, someone whom I have had a thing for since before we met, about 14 yrs ago,someone whom has never left my heart. Someone whom I am, today, proud to call my boyfriend. My confidente. My support. My study buddy. My relaxation. My outlet. My…wait for it…love. Good or bad, this girl’s got it. Hard. Love has a way of changing your perspective, enhancing it…owning it. And this one’s got me, through and through. Wait till you meet him-horrifically handsome, pissingyourpants hilarious, amazingly in touch with great stuff like sending flowers when appropriate, night holdings and back scratches…he’s not perfect, no. But nor am I, and we give and take in a way that makes me believe that love can work. Because we both want it to, and we both care enough to put forth the effort. That feels good.

I have gotten to meet my mother again. We’ve always been close, but this is high school new. We share close space, and we both love it. She has always been, and will never cease to be, a soul mate. Lucky me.

I have turned so inward and worked so hard for so much of who I am, that I finally really give a fuck about standing up for myself. I have always been able to stand up for those who couldn’t for themselves, but believing that I have things of worth for myself to stand up for? Another thing. Yet here we are. And I have good advice, if you’d care to hear it. Well…at least it’d be free advice…

Thanks for listening. While this post is missing about 4 important paragraphs about great people and things in life, I’m tired. It’s xmas eve. I have 2 kids who are going to be bouncing on my legs in 6 hrs. I’ll try to video my niece doing ‘we wish you a merry christmas.’ You won’t be sorry.


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